Probable response from a spokesman for the Ethos Management, and Steering Committee of the Broadcasting Standards agency with special dispensation for quality of vision, sound and clarity and most importantly the 'appiness of television viewers. (The boss was in the basement making the tea at the time of the interview.) His deputy made this statement:
Ladies and gentlemen, I have a very important announcement to make, which I know you will be delighted to hear.
Without further ado I will state here exactly the proposals I wish to implement. You will of course realise that this is the purpose for which I have been striving and of which you are unaware that it is what you have been looking forward to for a long time now. Looking forward is the key because that is what I propose, that we look forward toward the future, while at the same time being cognisant of the past.
Getting to the point I should state categorically that we should waste no time in carefully considering the facts before us. Having said that, I should stress the importance of what has gone before and learn lessons in order to avoid retracing our steps and making the same mistakes twice.
So, what are the facts? How do they relate to us and what can we do about them. Well, so far it has been very encouraging and we hope to continue in the same positive manner. However, we do need to put certain safeguards in place not only to make sure that this doesn't happen again but also to reassure you that all is going to plan for the future.
Let me tell you here and now that the future is in our hands. If we all pull together we will achieve our aims and be able to push forward. To achieve our goals, of course we will have to practice the utmost care in organising the procedures in the right order. This will, I think you will agree, be the only way we will reap the rewards for which we are all striving.
You will meet opposition. You will be scoffed at, but at the end of the day you know that we are right and the only route ahead is for us to unite and be determined to win through. If we are steadfast in these beliefs we will get there and when all is said and done there is only one way. We have that choice ahead of us, to remind ourselves, and the world, that this is so. I will remind you of what I have just said - we have the choice to select the only path ahead.
To summarise the important issues I have raised here means that we have to be concerned about the simple complications and not care about fine detail of the overall matters raised. This enlightenment will give you all the tools you need to consider the general principals with which we are no longer interested in.
“Does that mean you are not going to do anything about the excessive background noise on television?”
“Yes. No. Well maybe. Perhaps not. What was the question again?”
“Your deaf aren’t you?”