Friday, 15 January 2010

Hearing Voices

I've just come back from the doctor

I told him that the voices had stopped and I
could no longer hear them.

"How long have you been hearing voices?" he asked.
"Since I was a kid,” I replied
"And when did you notice the voices had stopped?"
"It all started going wrong when we got the new
television. The voices gradually got drowned out
until I couldn't hear anything, well I could still
hear the noises of course."

The doc said he would examine my ears and proceeded
to prod me with this long pole with a speaker on
the end of it. Then he blew into a flugelhorn and
asked if I could hear that.

"Ouch," I said "that hurt!"

The doctor then gave me his diagnosis. I didn’t know
what to do with it at first but he told me dump it in
the nearest recycle centre.

"So what is the prognosis?" I asked.

"Well," he said, "there is only one sure-fire cure and
that is get rid of the set and any other receiving equipment
such as my 'opod' my 'ophone' and cut off your land line."

He added that it wasn't a 100% certain that I would be
cured. But as a trial I could just turn them off for a
while, but I'd still have to pay the licence."

I gave the last option a try for an hour or two.

Then I just heard 'one' voice.

After an hour or two I couldn’t stand it any longer.
I turned on the television and started to watch the
subtitles on a programme about masochism.

I am now waiting for them to come and take me away ha ha.

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